Thanks to my mother's generation who fought so hard for our rights in the workplace, these days many women earn graduate degrees and pursue careers before settling down to get married and/or have families.
Personally I love my work, and I am deeply grateful for the liberty to run my own business and not be chained to domestic responsibilities.
Unfortunately for many career women, a delay in baby-making results in problems getting pregnant later in life.
I'm not one to put blind faith into statistics and studies, but when it comes to rising infertility rates, the numbers get a nod.
According to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, approximately 20% of women now wait until after age 35 to begin their families, and one-third of women over 35 will have problems with fertility.
For the average 30 year old woman, there's a 20% chance of conception with unprotected sex, and this decreases to 5% by the time she is 40 years old. (source)
The fact is, we are actually designed to make babies when we are young.
In our culture, teen pregnancies are thankfully frowned upon. But biology has yet to catch up, and girls come into child-bearing years while still considered children themselves.
Certainly, I am not suggesting that our teens should start procreating, but as we age so does our fertility. As most women reach their mid-30's their ovarian reserves begins to wane, and egg quality declines.
The media does us no favors, showing us attractive women in their late 40's happily pushing infant twins in a stroller on the way to the park, and presenting research indicating that older women will have smarter and healthier babies. (source)
What tabloids don't reveal however, is how many cycles of IVF failed before a successful pregnancy occurred, how much drugs the mother needed to inject and ingest, how many tens-of-thousands of dollars were spent, and whether or not these babies were born via donor egg, donor sperm and/or a surrogate to carry their baby.
Don't get me wrong. Reproductive medicine is a miracle of science, but an extremely expensive (and often emotionally draining) miracle, yielding lower and lower margins of success with each passing year of age.
Women do not necessarily have to give up other dreams and aspirations in order to have a family…
But we could use certainly use a bit more education about the facts and our options – and the sooner the better.
Yes, age is an undeniable factor when it comes to a woman's capacity to get pregnant and have a healthy baby, BUT there are also more ‘older' women having babies than ever before. Between 1990 and 2008 the number of pregnancies for women age 40-44 increase 65%. (source)
This statistic is no doubt driven by delayed family planning and advances in reproductive medicine, but the fact remains that older women are having babies.
So what sets apart women who are able to conceive from those who are not?
When we look beyond statistical data there is a plethora of contributing factors that will affect an individual's fertility (both female and male). Everything from genetics to diet and environment to attitude plays a role in overall health and fertility.
Age is a factor but it's not the only one.
In upcoming posts about fertility we will take a look at how what we eat, how we handle stress, how we navigate the toxic elements of the modern world, and even how we find joy can effect our ability to conceive.
Whether you are struggling with fertility or haven't even started thinking about babies yet, by educating yourself on your options you will be more empowered to have the family you envision. Sign up for email updates below to be sure not to miss a post on this important topic!
Are you an ‘older' mom?
Aaaugh!
Don’t distress! There are plenty of things to do to help to optimize (or even preserve) your fertility for many women. There are also many avenues to take to becoming a parent. I will be discussing options for different scenarios in upcoming posts.
Great article, Emily and I love the new name!
You have helped me and my husband Mitch so much! I am still young (21) and we decided to start a family about 7 months in I knew something was wrong with only having 3 cycles within 7 months! I soon after was diagnosed with PCOS.
I was shocked but also with your help realized I was young and with the help of acupuncture, change of diet, and herbs it has gotten to where I can feel I’m getting better!
My advice would be to anyone that wants kids in their future be it young or older 😉 to check your fertility and get healthy NOW. Look at your diet and also keep your options open.
So many in the US run to western medicine and don’t realize the beautiful affectiveness of Chinese/ natural medicine. Thanks for bein a rocking acupuncturist and advocate of REAL good eating. I look forward to your upcoming articles 🙂
Ellie and Mitch
Hi Michelle – Thanks for this sweet comment. It is a pleasure working with you and Mitch. The two of you are going to make wonderful parents. 🙂
I was diagnosed with PCOS in my early twenties. After changing my diet and exercise, I conceived when I was 31 and 8 wks after she was born, I conceived again with twins! No fertility treatments or anything! I gave birth without c-sections as well. There is hope and you will get there! 🙂
Wow a lot of typos sorry! Haha
I wonder if such figures of women best having children at such and such age result from studying the patterns of a society who has poor health. After all, the consensus view espouses the idea we need to degenerate as we age, ignoring the data that indicates otherwise.
Hi Jamil –
Many of the studies do look at the demographics of women experiencing fertility problems. Here’s one:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19406025
While the numbers do reflect more infertility due to obesity and rise of STDs, it also reflect more women having children later (either naturally or due to western fertility treatments).
As for whether or not we need to degenerate as we age, that fact is that most people DO, so this certainly is reflected in decrease fertility with age.
Thanks for the interesting read! I have heard many conversations about women being career-driven and waiting later in life to become pregnant. Unfortunately, this can cause these issues, depending on the woman and the genes she was born with. I think statistics are accurate but I also think your genetic genes have a lot to do with it as well. I like how you said, “Biology has yet to catch up, and girls come into child-bearing years while still considered children themselves.” I am still very young and in college. I do not planning on having children until I am older and have more things figured out. Its scary to know that as we age so does our fertility. I agree that taking the steps needed towards a clean food program now will help you later in life when you need it most.
Thanks for your comment, Alexi. There is quite a bit you can do to help preserve your fertility when you start at your age. An option beyond a good diet and lifestyle is actually freezing your eggs while you are young. I will get into the pros and cons of this in another post soon!
Hi Emily,
This is a great article, albeit a bit depressing for us older gals!
I am 37 and desperate for a baby, but had the misfortune to fall in love with the wrong man in my 20’s, and lost 10 years of my life waiting for him to commit to a family. Now I’m with a wonderful man who wants my babies and we although we haven’t had too much trouble conceiving, I can’t seem to be able to keep the babies and miscarry every time. I often wonder if things would have been different had I began making babies earlier in life, but I guess there’s no point wondering what could have been. Fingers crossed there is still hope for me!
Have you tried supplementing after ovulation with a natural progesterone? Hugs for you! I’ve lost two babies and know the heartache.
Generally, I agree with the stats about declining fertility with age. However, my mother had a surprise pregnancy at 47 {just three weeks behind me!} and gave birth without a touch of complication to a healthy boy. One just never knows with these things…… Proof here: http://www.dickieandmarge.blogspot.com/2008/06/our-weekend-in-photos.html
HA!
I am 38 y.o and 6 weeks pregnant right now. I could not get pregnant for 2 years and was diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I had one unsucceful round of IVF. I think I got pregnant because of my own actions: changing diet, trying to eliminate toxins, sleeping more, less stress and etc. This site was a great help in figuring out what would be the best diet for conceiving. Thank you.
Pasmarova – congratulations on your pregnancy! All the best as you embark on a new journey. Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us and for your kind words!
Great article and I couldn’t agree more. Due to some major medical setbacks, I wasn’t able to start a family until after 35. After 2 years of trying on our own unsuccessfully, we met with 2 different fertility specialists who basically said we’d only be able to conceive with a donor or IVF, or have invasive surgery to possibly remove an ovary. I didn’t want to go to such an extreme route and only successfully became pregnant after going the holistic route with acupuncture, Chinese medicine a fertility diet and the help of a caring fertility specialist who helped pinpoint ovulation. My FSH was originally deemed too high to conceive naturally and when I conceived at 37 it was well within the range of normal. There is hope to get pregnant naturally after 35!
I believe that infertility has a lot on how we were raised that is the food they eat. My mother and my aunts (both from both parents) still have children past their 40’s. My mother had my youngest sister at 45 years old and so did her mother and my other aunts. I would like to think that it is attributed to “traditional foods” and excluding over processed foods. I believe because the females of my family were not exposed to externals stress associate with working outside the home and made foods out of “scratch.” My mother was afraid to get pregnant after 45 so got her tubes tied and she also had late development (menstrual cycle at 15 and so did her sisters) and as a result got a late menopause.
There is plenty that can be concluded as to the reason of such occurrence in my family…. but for me it appears simple, food and lifestyle as it was not only present in my family but friends whom parents were from such an era and region.
I never liked birth control after trying oral contraceptives as a late teen and depo in my early 20s… other than that I have used a diaphragm. I was married for 7 years before I conceived my first child at 34. I never stressed much about it though as we used Natural Family Planning. And when we decided it was time to get serious about it… it really helped knowing what my body was doing and when. I then attempted and conceived my second at 37. I conceived and carried fine, but I could not deliver either one. I attempted VBAC with my second, but my body just wouldn’t budge.. never dilated or effaced.
I got pregnant at 43 with my 1st child. Turns out they were twins (identical). The pregnancy was completely spontaneous… No help from the scientific community. But if you are an older mom with twins people assume you had help and are visibly shocked when I say I didn’t.
I was 41 when my surprise baby was born. We had no intent to get pregnant and were preventing it, but very thrilled to welcome her. As a holistic health practitioner and real food advocate, I was very “young” in the fertility department I guess!
My clients are my age to 10 years younger and with changing diet, lifestyle, outlook, and exercise they improve their chances of conceiving. It sounds like a lot to change, but it leads to a healthier, happier person even without the pregnancy!
GMOs are why infertility is on the rise, bottomline!
I have been pregnant 7 times, all with successful full term pregnancies (I may have had an early miscarriage but no test to confirm). I am now 42 and my youngest is 3. Only one of those pregnancies was planned, and I was pregnant two weeks after we decided to have another baby. I don’t do anything special. I think a lot of this can be attributed to genetics. Something about my body is just causing me to be very fertile. There are probably things like diet and health conditions that will exacerbate things, but, as an OB RN, I have seen women strung out on meth get pregnant (most recently a 35+ lady). Totally malnourished girls, women who eat McD’s everyday and drink 6 sodas a day. I think so much of this is a mystery and while one can try things to help, part of it is just the way we are built from genetics up.
Stacey you bring up some really interesting points. I too have wondered how so many women who are using a lot of drugs and eating terribly and in no way taking care of themselves can get pregnant so easily. Certainly their genetics must play into it. Perhaps their parents and grandparents ate a traditional diet with a lot of high quality saturated fats etc… It definitely baffles me as I work with women who are trying to conceive and who are doing “everything right” yet cannot get pregnant. I was lucky in that i got pregnant the first month that we tried at age 33 but I had been following a lot of the guidelines for diet presented here.
My husband and I began trying to have children as soon as we got married (I was 28). After more than a year of no luck, we sought out a specialist who couldn’t see any reason we couldn’t have kids, but we couldn’t. We tried fertility drugs and IUI with no success. We fell into the “unexplained” fertility group. At 34, I got pregnant, but miscarried very early. I am now 37 and 33 weeks pregnant with a healthy little girl. I do think the evolution of our diet (as we got older, we did get more educated and more selective about things) towards local organic produce, grass-fed meats, raw milk, etc. has had a significant influence. It certainly doesn’t make sense “medically” why I couldn’t get pregnant at 28 but could at 37. 🙂
My husband and I are both 24 years old, and have been trying to conceive for 2 years and 4 months. We have now been referred to a specialist, which we are going to see on the 24th. I am so disappointed. I was always against using ART to conceive but now that we are faced with it being our only option my mind has been changed.
I tell everyone I know that if they want children start sooner than later. Because no matter how young you are you are not guaranteed to have a baby. I couldn’t imagine our obstacles if we would have waited until our late twenties/early thirties, which was our original plan.
I am super glad you are starting to post more and more on fertility, I love your site I visit it EVERYDAY. It was actually you that got us started on our Real Food diet a year ago.
Hi Ashley, thanks so much for your comment. I am so glad that the blog is helping you! I hope you’ve seen the new ebook “Feed Your Fertility” which I co-authored with Laura Erlich. It really goes into so much more detail than I am able to on the blog.
I just found your blog today. My name is Maria, I’m 47 years old, married for six years, and my heart’s desire is to be a Mama. I have been a daycare teacher for twenty six years and love little children. I was diagnosed with endometriosis stage four at age forty one shortly after getting married. I’ve had two surgeries since. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby since we were married with no success. I think the endometriosis messed me up so bad that it is impossible for me to ever conceive. We have already tried everything. I often cry myself to sleep. My heart and arms ache so much for a child of our own, but I think it’s too late now – I am 47 years old, my periods are now skipping and getting longer, and I haven’t been able to conceive once since we got married. Please – is it too late for me? Can anything help me? You know, years ago when I was in my thirties and complained about my painful periods, my doctor’s response was: “Take three Aleve when you have your period!” Sad. Just sad. Feel free to click on my name above, visit my blog, and leave a comment or send me an email. I would love to hear from others. Maybe you can encourage me? Thank you!
You know, what’s really sad and frustrating, if I could go back in time and talk to the young Maria I would warn her not to drink all those Pepsi’s, the junk food, and processed food which I believe probably contributed to the infertility and endometriosis somehow. If only I knew back then, what I know about fertility and good nutrition now. Wish I could go back and make some changes. Maybe then, my house would not be so quiet and my arms so empty.
Maria,
My heart goes out to you. I know what it feels like- I have also longed for a baby so much but was lucky to not try for too long before conceiving. I have a healthy 9 month old now. I had my own set of issues dealing with PCOS as a teenager, having multiple cysts and losing an ovary- this final straw pushed us to think hard about having a baby before it was too late. My husband and I were at that point, told that we needed to go the IVF route (because according to the doc, my husband had poor sperm count) but we went against that and followed our hearts, did yoga, ate healthy, followed our traditional holistic therapy (Ayurveda) for good health, took out all the GMO’s in our kitchen, and stopped worrying about the future. I got pregnant within 5 months of the change in diet and exercise. The body has an amazing ability to heal itself. We used a supplement called Fertility Blend (for women) and Fertility Aid (for men) as well.
Bottom line is – if you will- it will happen. Trust your body, treat it well – you can undo the damage you have done.
Contraceptives have caused a lot of women to have a harder time conceiving. Taking the pill makes your body a hostile environment for life to take place. We use Natural Family Planning and have had no problems at all. My recommendation, ditch the pill and go natural.
There is a great website called http://www.IuseNFP.com It has a lot of great info on this.
I’m 30 and have endometriosis, we’ve been trying for 3 years with no success. Not an age thing for us. I wish I had known about real food nutrition and holistic health in my younger years. I wish I had cared more for my health and actually thought about the consequences of poor diet and hormonal birth control!! We used to want 2-3 kids. Now we would be overjoyed to have at least one. I cannot believe how emotionally exhausting and what a toll infertility takes on your sense of self. This has been such a challenge for us emotionally. We are going to a blood analyst/naturalpath as well as doing fertility treatments.