One thing I love about blogging is that you can’t see me. I can post pretty pictures of food, my kids, or myself on another day where I am thinner, wearing makeup and smiling pretty, so you don’t have to see me unshowered, scrubbing blueberry stains off the chair cushions, and making less than pleasant faces and remarks. You also didn’t see me yesterday when I fed my family chips, salsa, and guacamole for dinner (both dips too spicy for the kids, as it turns out) – finished off with some ice cream. At least it was homemade, I grumbled to myself.
The truth is, I’ve been in a bit of a funk. A moody. Oscar the Grouch. I have plenty of reasons that I will spare you the boredom of reading here. But suffice to say, my list of complaints is long and tedious to the point that I annoy myself as I ruminate over them.
When I’m feeling moody, I like to escape. These days, escape looks like watching hours of trashy tv on my laptop and thumbing through Pinterest on my IPhone – sometimes simultaneously. Lately, some quotes have been catching my eye. I’m not a big quote person. I tend to think that an individual should come up with wise words of her own. But as my mama always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
So my journey of quotes went a bit like this…
This was a good reminder I do have bountiful, wonderful blessings. But I have to admit this quote left me feeling a bit guilty for my shallow appreciation for my life. Then I found this simple yet direct message in a flow chart…
Yes, gosh darn it! I want to be happy. Wait… So why do I do the same things over and over again expecting different results – getting irritated at my five year old for waking at 6:19 am regardless of when I put him to bed. Getting annoyed at myself for running late. Wishing my husband wouldn’t work so hard.
The little voice in my head was saying,
THIS IS UNBEARABLE.
EVERYONE IS STUPID.
Looks like I need an attitude adjustment, right? Then I saw this pin below, and realized I was working in reverse.
I’ve been walking around with the wrong mantras, and I needed new ones. I spend plenty of time working hard and obsessing over my family’s diet, but I always put happiness and positive attitude on the back burner thinking more joy will come when ‘things’ change – all the while repeating my mantras of negativity in my mind.
Ok, I thought, I can do this, just think positive and be grateful.
I went to spinning class feeling lighter and freer. Then I came out to a SEVENTY-SIX DOLLAR parking ticket. Taking a deep breath, I tried it out, “It’s no big deal – It’s a beautiful day, you feel great, and money is not worth fretting over.”
Hmm. Not so bad.
Then the voice of pessimism spoke, “Are you kidding? You have never been Miss Sunshine. What makes you think that just thinking positive thoughts will create change?” The internal doubter constantly generates excuses for me.
Well, Voice of Doom, it’s up to me, every day, every moment to choose…
I WANT to be happy. And in order to be happy, I need to choose it in every moment. I need to gently dismiss my negative thoughts and look at life with gratitude and lightness.
I don’t want an excuse, I want a way.